WHAT DO I DO DURING DATING?
Talk. About the type of lifestyle you want to live, how many children you would like to have. Interact. Pray. Study the Word. Understand each other and be sure you can live with each other’s “bad” behaviours. Ask yourselves hard questions, for example, this aspect of his/her character that I do not like but am willing to overlook now, will I still be willing to overlook it if it becomes magnified after we get married? This does not mean that there will not be differences. Remember, differences are not deficiencies so they do not have to break the relationship. Some differences are complementary and make for a more interesting world – enjoy them; laugh at them; be okay with them.
HOW FAR CAN I GO WHILE DATING?
Definitely not have sex! 1 Corinthians 6:18 tells us to flee from sexual immorality. Asking how far you can go while dating is exactly the wrong question to be asking. It’s like playing a game of football and trying to see how close to your own goal you can get the ball. It is just not what you’re supposed to do – you should try to keep the ball as far away as possible. In the same way, you should try to stay as far away from doing something wrong sexually when you are dating.
Set up boundaries to make sure you don’t fall into sexual impurity, even accidentally. You see, God wired the human body to respond a certain way to certain stimuli. Kissing and petting are acknowledged as foreplay, their purpose is to get you in the mood. You cannot realistically expect to start off a chain reaction and then be able to stop it midway…
As much as possible, do not be alone together – have your discussions, prayers, interactions, in public and spend time together as part of a larger group. Ask another mature Christian friend (of the same sex) to keep you accountable. Always keep your eyes on the end. You are more likely to finish strong if you plan to finish strong.
WHEN SHOULD I BREAK UP A RELATIONSHIP?
When he/she pushes you away from Christ rather than towards Him, if he/she is not a follower of Christ, if you are not moving towards marriage and when you are not on the same page about sexual purity. In addition, if you are not growing in affection towards each other, do not enjoy being with each other and do not look forward to being with each other, it may be time to consider moving on. Husbands and wives are called to love and respect each other (Ephesians 5:28-33), and to enjoy life with the spouse God has given us (Ecclesiastes 9:9). This may be difficult to do in marriage if you are not enjoying being with them when dating. It is also advisable to end a relationship where he/she is abusive or does not act respectfully towards you.
You might consider breaking off a relationship when believers in your life are raising concerns about the relationship. God speaks through His Word, His Spirit, and His people. Other people can help you see things that you miss when you are blinded by emotions.
You might also have to break off when one or both of you need time to heal from life issues, childhood trauma or past relationships. Temporarily pausing the relationship is another option to allow healing and allow fulfillment of God’s timing.
As painful as it might be to end a relationship you have invested into, it is better to have a broken relationship than a broken marriage.
HOW DO I BREAK OF A RELATIONSHIP?
Lovingly. Respectfully. In person, not over the phone, by text message, e-mail, or on social media! Break off immediately you know it is not working.
If you are the one at the receiving end of a break up request, please respect the other person’s decision. Note that neither party is doing the other a favour by being in a relationship that is not going anywhere. You cannot force or blackmail a person to be in a relationship with you. If he is not convinced, let him/her go. You don’t want to spend your whole life trying to convince some one to be with you. If however, you are convinced the relationship is of God, let go and let God – He is not an author of confusion.
Email me at Onyinye.cn@kda.org.ng