When you fall…
Tesh entered 2018 with great plans, wishes, dreams and desires – the year was going to be great! But just a few days into the year, she found herself in an unusual situation and where she made a wrong decision that resulted in her being put in a compromised position. She should have extracted herself from that situation at the first available opportunity, instead, she got deeper and deeper. That first decision lead to another, then another, and yet another. She knew she was treading on dangerous ground, but she continued to rationalize her actions, she felt she was in control. But she knew her husband would not agree. He would tell her to flee every appearance of evil. So she began to tell him half-truths, and to keep secrets. Before long, she had betrayed her husband’s trust and strayed far away from one of the fundamental principles that their marriage had been built on – “And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed” Genesis 2: 25.
And then her husband found out, and all hell broke loose.
Tesh was broken. It was as if scales fell off her eyes and she realized suddenly how far from God’s will she had strayed. She realized how her actions could be misunderstood and how her Christian testimony could be questioned. Worse still, her husband’s reaction caused her to fear for her marriage.
There are many similarities between Tesh’s story and David’s…
“And it came to pass, after the year was expired, at the time when kings go forth to battle…David tarried still at Jerusalem.” 2 Samuel 11:1 (KJV)
At the start of a new year, David decided to stay back in Jerusalem. The day David took the decision to stay back instead of go off to war, he set in motion, a chain of unfortunate events. It all started because he decided to act differently from what he should have ordinarily done. Some argue that he should not have been on the roof top by that time of day. Some say that he could not have controlled the fact that he saw Bathsheba naked. Any which way, the fact remains that after David saw her, instead of deciding to flee every appearance of evil, he decided to act on his lust. “David sent someone to find out about her…Then David sent messengers to get her. She came to him, and he slept with her.” 2 Samuel 11:2-3 (NIV).
Did David know what he was doing was wrong? I am quite sure he did. Could he have stopped himself at any time? I am quite sure he could have. And yet he did not, he kept making bad decisions. As if it was not bad enough, when Bathsheba got pregnant, he decided to pass the child off as Uriah’s and when that did not work, he decided to kill him. One seemingly innocuous decision led to adultery and ultimately to murder. David was anointed, he was called of God, but he was also an adulterer, a murderer, and a betrayer. He betrayed Bathsheba, his subject, whose wellbeing had been entrusted into his care. He betrayed Uriah, one of his mighty men, who had served him faithfully from the days of the Cave of Adullam (2 Samuel 23: 39). And ultimately, David betrayed God.
David’s wake up call came only when the prophet Nathan told him the story of a poor man whose sheep was stolen by a rich man. David was so incensed at the injustice of it all that he said that the man who did this must die, only to be told that he was the man, and that by his deed he had given “great occasion to the enemies of the Lord to blaspheme.” 2 Samuel 12:14 (KJV).
But the LORD “put away” David`s sin, just as, in His infinite mercy, He did a quick work of reconciliation and restoration once Tesh repented. However, the repercussions of sin remain, both for David who lost the child conceived in adultery, and for Tesh whose feelings of guilt and deep disappointment with self have been her constant companions since. She has suffered bouts of depression, questioned her faith, and even her soundness of mind. She has asked herself repeatedly, “How could I?”, “Why did I?” She even feels she deserves to be depressed.
When David was told his child would die, he prayed and fasted, and refused to be comforted. But as soon as the child died, “David arose from the earth, and washed, and anointed himself, and changed his apparel, and came into the house of the LORD, and worshipped: then he came to his own house; and when he required, they set bread before him, and he did eat.” 2 Samuel 12: 20 (KJV). He moved on immediately!
Tesh, “the steps of a good man are ordered by the LORD: and he delighteth in his way. Though he fall, he shall not be utterly cast down: for the LORD upholdeth him with his hand.” Psalm 37:24-25 (KJV). Please know that you are not cast down, please know that you are forgiven! The Lord has put away your sin! Please learn from your mistakes and move on. The Lord knows you are not perfect. Do not allow the enemy of your soul keep you bound in a cycle of disappointment and self loathing.
Hear the word of the Lord to you today: “I adopted you as my child knowing fully well that you will make mistakes, fall down, and mess things up. I love you just the way you are, but I also love you too much to leave you the way you are. I want you to become more like Christ every day. Please realize that falling down is a natural part of running your race. Just get back up, continue, keep running. I am here, cheering you on. And remember, you cannot run this race on your own. Lean on me, for I, the Lord, am your strength.”
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