When you compare yourself with others…
“Keeping up with the Joneses” is an expression which refers to “the comparison to one’s neighbor as a benchmark for social class or the accumulation of material goods. To fail to “keep up with the Joneses” is perceived as demonstrating socio-economic or cultural inferiority.” (Wikipedia)
Simply put, it is comparing oneself with others and measuring success relative to them. If one does not measure up, then one is a failure. So, a sister looks at someone else and compares herself to them. If she is not doing as well, at least in her estimation, then she has work to do. If or when she is unable to achieve this goal, she is depressed and convinced that God does not love her.
BIG MISTAKE!!!
It might seem like a natural thing to compare one’s self to others, after all, children’s growth, aptitude and learning is routinely compared, as is adults’ work performance, social status and physical attributes. However, we need to remind ourselves that attempts to make oneself into something one is not meant to be is a recipe for depression, derailment and disaster!
“Comparison is the thief of joy.” Theodore Roosevelt.
Romans 12:4 tells us that a body has many parts but these parts do not all have the same function. How could the body function if it were all the head, for example. We need to realise that differences are not deficiencies. We are, each and every one of us, fearfully and wonderfully and made. We have different DNA because God created each and every one of us such that there is no other person exactly the same as us on the surface of the earth.
Sisters, don’t be fixated on being like somebody else! Be the you God created you to be! I, for example, will never feature on the list of sisters with perfect hair, nails and makeup. Never. But it’s fine, it is not a deficiency. It is simply who I am. I admire sisters who are always perfectly put together, but I don’t validate myself by how I (fail to) measure up to them. On the flip side, I’m tall. Will any of you struggle to be tall because I am tall? It might seem like a funny, even silly question, but so many of us are struggling to be “tall” because someone we know (or don’t know, for that matter) is “tall”!
My sister, don’t get caught up in another person’s definition of success. Someone will always be prettier and smarter. Someone’s house will be bigger. Someone will drive a better car, earn more, travel more. Someone’s wedding will be talked about for longer. Someone’s child will get into a more prestigious college. It’s a fact of life.
When something “good” happens to someone else, don’t ask “Why couldn’t that have been me?” Realise that there is a race set before you – your own race (Hebrews 12:1). Find it and run it. 2 Timothy 1:11 says about Paul, “and God chose me to be a…” (NLT). Romans 11:29 says “God never changes his mind when he gives gifts or when he calls someone.” (God’s Word translation). It’s that personal, your race. Only you can find it, only you can run it.
The gifts God gives us are our personal equipment for our personal race. Applying your gifts to someone else’s race is like prepping for a sprint only to turn up on race day for a triathlon – you are ill-equipped and ill-prepared for the challenges of the competition! Chances are you will not be able to finish – you could be disqualified, or you might drop out. Why would you want to live life frustrated? Why turn up only to be disqualified? Everyone’s journey is not the same. Find yours and stay on your own path!
And as you do so, lay aside every weight (Hebrews 12:1), every distraction that could hinder you, whether internal or external. Someone said, drunks cannot run a race. Anything that can cloud your judgment is a hindrance – jealousy, spite, bitterness. Also, you cannot run overweight – a false sense of self-worth (“do you know who I am”) is baggage that will get you nowhere fast. Inappropriate equipment, for example, wrong clothing and shoes in a physical race, are external hindrances. You are appropriately equipped for your own race, but perhaps not for the one you have chosen to run. Perhaps you have many distractions keeping you from focusing on your own race – where you live, the way you live, your companions, what you listen to, may be inappropriate for your race. Perhaps you compare because it’s what everyone around you does, perhaps you are chasing the things you are chasing because that’s what your clique does. I’m guessing some of us need to change our where we are at, maybe also our friends because ungodly counsel will hinder our race. Matthew 13:7 tells how thorns choke out the sower’s seed. Don’t let your heart be stolen by perishable things. Your good intentions might not be enough. RELOCATE to run your race!
Hebrews 11 lists a great many heroes of faith. Some of their experiences were “good” and others “bad”. Every one of them went through something but they overcame in the end. Everyone is going through something and the challenges of your race are different from everyone else’s. That sister might have a nice car, but she is having serious family issues. That other one has a lot of money, but under the designer clothes is an illness even she cannot pronounce. By the way, that other one, yes all her children attend the type of schools you could never afford to send yours to, but did you know she has had to pay to keep that first son out of jail? If some of these people you want to keep up with were to download their problems on you, you would crash and burn, believe me! Don’t judge them because of where they are. They have a history you neither know nor understand. When you see where they are, let what you like so much be a source of encouragement and not a source of discouragement. Get out of the “why (not) me”, “does God really love me”, pity-party. You will add years to your life by that simple act alone.
So, should I not aspire to greater things? You might ask. By all means, please do. Just make sure those “greater things” line your route and no one else’s. When lanes are demarcated, leaving yours could result in disqualification, and you really do not want to be disqualified… Some things don’t seem unfair, but God’s ways are not our ways.
So, next time you are tempted to keep up with the Joneses, please keep up with God instead.
We are assured that if as we run our own race, we grow weary, the Lord will turn up and get us over the finish line.
Indeed, the Lord is our strength.
onyinye.cn@kda.org.ng