Kingdom Wife – Pastor Mrs Onyinye Chidiebere-Nwokeocha

Kingdom Wife

INTRODUCTION

The biblical order of the family is as follows: God, Jesus, Man, Wife, Children.

As the head of the home, the husband’s job is to manage the home by addressing what takes place it with a view to ensuring that it aligns with God’s Will. The man is like the climate control of the house. The man is the head of the home and determines the atmosphere of the home. How he acts will typically determine how the wife either responds or reacts. Every man will be held accountable for how he handles what happens in his house. God would ask every husband what he did with the leadership that he was given.

Satan over-threw the system of God’s alignment when he caused Eve to disregard and ignore Adam and assume the position of headship that Adam was supposed to occupy. Adam was the one that was in charge, and yet he allowed Satan to disrupt the divine God-ordered alignment of the family.

And when the woman saw that the tree was good for food, and that it was pleasant to the eyes, and a tree to be desired to make one wise, she took of the fruit thereof, and did eat, and gave also unto her husband with her; and he did eat. Genesis 3:6 (KJV).

Adam was there when the enemy came and deceived his wife. He should have stepped in, but he was passive and did not take his role of headship. And Eve, instead of handing the leadership to her husband, and forcing him to take the lead, decided that she was going to take the lead, and that was what has caused the problem that we have in marriages today.

And yet, the Bible says that the responsibility for sin is placed at Adam’s feet. As the leader of the household, the man takes responsibility for everything that goes on in his house. The results of sin, the results of the deception was a curse on every aspect of creation, including marriage relationship.

Unto the woman he said, I will greatly multiply thy sorrow and thy conception; in sorrow thou shalt bring forth children; and thy desire shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee. Genesis 3:16 (KJV).

A lot of us think of this scripture to mean that a woman will desire her husband in a sexual manner. But then when we put it in the context of the kingdom, what it is saying is that a woman shall desire to rule the man while the man will also want to rule over her, resulting in the battle of the sexes: the woman wants to control, but the man is the one supposed to lead and one person is not prepared to stand down for the other person. The woman says, I’m smart, I know what I’m talking about, I make my own money. Why should I listen to you? And the man stands in the position of leadership and says, I am the man of this house, I am the leader here. And then there is a battle and nobody is standing down because each person believes that they have the right to the throne. Wives have developed the desire to rule over their husbands.

But the Kingdom Wife is one who understands that this is not God’s plan for the marriage relationship.

THE FUNCTION OF THE KINGDOM WIFE

In just one word, the Kingdom wife is a helper.

And the Lord God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him. Genesis 2:18 (KJV).

So first of all, Eve was God’s idea. There is no record that says that Adam went to ask God for Eve. God determined that he would make a companion for Adam, someone that would help him, someone that would ensure that he was not lonely. Marriage is a covenantal union designed to strengthen the capacity of each partner to carry out the plan of God in their lives. Marriage was designed by God to ensure that the people in that union attain His plan for them and they are supposed to work together in order to have the greatest influence. Adam was to offer leadership as provider, protector and priest, and Eve was fashioned as his helper meaning that she is supposed to help him in achieving these goals as well. For people who say that a woman should not work, the man is provider and the woman is his helper, so within the context of their own marriage, if they decide that the woman should work, then she should work.

Generally, the word helper causes people to immediately think of someone who is going to wash clothes, cook food, clean the house and take care of the children. But that is not all that a helper is because you can actually hire someone to do all that. A wife must not neglect her responsibilities in the home, however in her function as helper, that is not all that it entails.

The word ezer, translated “helper,” occurs twenty-one times in the Old Testament with only two of those occurrences relating to a woman. The remaining times the word is used it refers to God the Father.

Our soul waiteth for the Lord: he is our help and our shield. Psalm 33:20 (KJV)

Our help is in the name of the Lord, who made heaven and earth. Psalm 124:8 (KJV)

God describes Himself as our help, and many of us pray for divine helpers, so we understand the power in a helper. Why do we then think that a woman as a helper means that she is a slave? Eve’s role was not one of subservience, or slavery, but one of strong help comparable to that of God the Father Himself. God chose to describe His purpose for women in identical terms to that which He used to refer to Himself. A woman’s help can only be defined as a strong help. Being a helper is a position of strength! So no wife should feel demeaned, or devalued, neither should we model that kind of mind set for our children. We have to teach our daughters that they are valuable. We cannot allow our daughters to have the impression that they are that they are useless second-class citizens with no value. If we are guilty of modeling this for our children, we would have failed the next generation because they would just make the same marriage mistakes that we are trying to correct.

THE VALUE OF THE KINGDOM WIFE

The value of the Kingdom Wife is favour.

Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the LORD. Proverbs 18:22 (KJV).

One of the types of favour that a man experiences is the favour of love, of loving and being loved.

Thou hast ravished my heart, my sister, my spouse; thou hast ravished my heart with one of thine eyes, with one chain of thy neck. Ecclesiastes 4: 9 (KJV)

It is a blessing to be in this type of situation. It is a blessing to love and to be loved. There is just something amazing about a man and a woman when they are in love. That in itself is a reward. That in itself is favour. It is a glorious thing that God allows us to experience. The love of a man and a woman, though imperfect, models God’s love for us.

There’s also the favor of companionship. The favor of companionship is having somebody to talk to, having somebody to be with, someone who will allow you to be yourself and not judge you. Companionship eases pressure and tension.

For if they fall, the one will lift up his fellow: but woe to him that is alone when he falleth; for he hath not another to help him up. Ecclesiastes 4:10 (KJV)

Many people that are lonely or depressed are in that position because they do not have anyone that understands them, they do not have anybody that they feel they can turn to who will not judge them. Having someone that you can be yourself with is a gift.

There is also the favour of increase

Two are better than one; because they have a good reward for their labour. Ecclesiastes 4:9 (KJV)

Again I say unto you, That if two of you shall agree on earth as touching any thing that they shall ask, it shall be done for them of my Father which is in heaven. Matthew 18:19 (KJV)

So when a man finds a wife, he moves from fighting his battles alone to enlisting another person such that when there is agreement, they are able to achieve so much more. When a husbands treats his wife well, his prayers will not be hindered (1 Peter 3:7). Where there is strife, the favour of God will not come into the household.

Favour of increase also includes the blessing of giving birth to children to populate the Kingdom of God.

THE ALIGNMENT OF THE KINGDOM WIFE

The biblical order of the family is all about alignment: God, Christ, husband, and then wife. And the alignment, the position of the kingdom wife is that of Submission. She has to be submitted to her husband.

But I would have you know, that the head of every man is Christ; and the head of the woman is the man; and the head of Christ is God. 1 Corinthians 11:3 (KJV).

Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. Ephesians 5:22 (KJV)

But I suffer not a woman to teach, nor to usurp authority over the man, but to be in silence. 13 For Adam was first formed, then Eve. 14 And Adam was not deceived, but the woman being deceived was in the transgression. 1 Timothy 2:12–14 (KJV).

The head of EVERY man is Christ. From every man, we move to “the man,” just one, who is the head of “the woman,” just one also. Women are to submit to “your own husbands.” ALL MEN ARE NOT HEAD OVER ALL WOMEN! This is however not license for women to disrespect other men on the grounds that they are not their husbands.

It is important for us to note that alignment does not determine value. Men and women are of equal value under God. Alignment simply defines FUNCTION. A woman is functionally subordinate under her husband, but not of lesser value. Just like in a plane you have pilot and the co-pilot, both of whom are well qualified to fly the airplane. If anything happens to the pilot the copilot can fly the plane but there is a structure in place: if there are decisions that have to be made, if there is a difference of opinion, it is the pilot’s decision.

So alignment does not determine value. The fact that God has said that women should submit to their husband does not mean that a woman is of lesser value. Remember her role as helper, the same word that God uses for Himself.

Problems often come in a marriage when husbands are out of alignment and yet try to get their wives to line up properly under them: where a man is not under Christ, and yet demands that his wife must be under him.

A husband does not have absolute authority over his wife. His authority remains valid only for as long as he is not violating a principle from God’s. The husband’s authority becomes invalid if he asks her to do anything that violates God’s word. This principle is established in the story of Ananias and Sapphira (Acts 5:1-10). After her husband died on account of attempting to deceive the apostles, Sapphira could have aligned herself under God and saved her life. Instead she aligned under her husband and continued the deception and so suffered the same fate as him.

The alignment of the kingdom wife is to be submitted to her husband provided that it is under submission to God.

And we have a perfect example of submission. Jesus Christ is God. He is the very essence of God.

Who being the brightness of his glory, and the express image of his person, and upholding all things by the word of his power, when he had by himself purged our sins, sat down on the right hand of the Majesty on high. Hebrews 1:3 (KJV).

Jesus is the express image of God’s person and yet He submitted and operated under God’s authority even though it meant that He had to die on the cross.

Jesus saith unto them, My meat is to do the will of him that sent me, and to finish his work. John 4:34 (KJV).

Saying, Father, if thou be willing, remove this cup from me: nevertheless not my will, but thine, be done. Luke 22:42 (KJV).

Jesus who himself is God, subjected himself to the Father’s will even though at that point, it was not His will. Submission is tough.

Sin entered the world as a result of a desire to live life independently of God. That is the way most relationships function today. One or both partners choose to separate themselves from God’s rule and authority, but conflicts will arise when one or both partners in a marriage live by their own desires and opinions rather than on divine revelation. To make decisions in your family, first discover God’s viewpoint on the matter and align yourself under Him.

GOD’S EXPECTATION OF THE KINGDOM WIFE

Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband. Ephesians 5:33 (KJV)

Reverence can be translated as respect or honour. God’s expectation of a Kingdom Wife is that she Respect her husband even when he is not worthy of it, even when there’s a difference of opinion and even when you have a valid point, even when you feel you have the stronger position. Respect, because he is the head even when you disagree with the perspective, respect so that you can work towards the goal.

We can show respect to our husbands verbally.

In the Old Testament, specifically Genesis 12 and 20, you see instances where Abraham did things that did not deserve Sarah’s respect, yet she spoke to him and treated him with respect.

For after this manner in the old time the holy women also, who trusted in God, adorned themselves, being in subjection unto their own husbands: 6 Even as Sara obeyed Abraham, calling him lord: whose daughters ye are, as long as ye do well, and are not afraid with any amazement. 1 Peter 3:5-6 (KJV)

Sarah showed Abraham verbal respect by calling him Lord. The emphasis is not on what she called him, but on the fact that it showed respect. By all means, call your husband something else, but let it show respect. Every way that you talk to him should be respectful. Complain less and compliment more. Be respectful, recognize his headship.

Another way that we can respect our husbands is intellectually. Sometimes you can ask your husband to help you solve a problem. It could be something you can do on your own but by asking his help, you show him that his opinion matters to you, that he has value he can add to the situation.

Do not interrupt him in conversation. This is one way of preventing fights.

Don’t imply that he is not smart. Instead of saying “I think you are wrong” Say, “Let me explain my view.”

Being respectful is all about approach. Approach aggressively and you will reap aggressive behaviour in return.

Request his help on spiritual matters. Your husband is the priest. I know that I know that not all husbands are standing in that room. But another thing that we can do is encourage them to enter into that role.

Don’t nag, show him facts. Generally, men are more factual.

We also need to show them respect physically. We should not just talk about respect, we also have to act it, we also have to show it, people also have to see it. Ask your husband “What would you like me to do for you” and as is within your power, do it.

Be aware of body language. You can communicate disrespect by rolling your eyes, crossing your arms, or slamming doors.

Make eye contact while listening to him.

Smile. It really does work wonders.

THE REWARD FOR THE KINGDOM WIFE

Some of the things we have talked about here are not easy. Some people are considering their situations and think it is impossible for it or for them to change.

But God promises a reward. And the reward for the Kingdom Wife is Honour.

When a wife honors her husband’s position, God sees this and responds to her as well. When God sees that you are obedient to what he has called you to, He responds. God honors those who honor Him.

Wherefore the Lord God of Israel saith, I said indeed that thy house, and the house of thy father, should walk before me forever: but now the Lord saith, Be it far from me; for them that honour me I will honour, and they that despise me shall be lightly esteemed. 1 Samuel 2:30 (KJV).

Delight thyself also in the Lord: and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart. 5 Commit thy way unto the Lord; trust also in him; and he shall bring it to pass. Psalm 37:4-5 (KJV)

He will give you the desires of your heart, provided that you commit your way even to him. Sometimes wives try to go around our husbands to get the things that we want. So what we end up doing is hiding things from them. So you want something you feel your husband will not give it to you, you go and get it and then now you’re hiding it. That is not the kind of relationship that God wants

A woman who disrespects her husband and dishonours his position cannot be considered the holy woman in God’s sight. Because by disrespecting your husband, you’re disrespecting God.

In 1 Peter 3:5, Peter says that the women in Old Testament times were holy because they trusted God and were subject to their husbands. You cannot say you are holy yet you are putting him down and battling with him for control. You cannot say that you are close to God, and the rebellion against your husband’s leadership.

When we align ourselves under God, then we leave our husbands for God to deal with. But when you follow him to be in rebellion, you could be blocking God’s move in his life and God will deal with both of you.

When you surrender to God, God will fight the battle for you

1 Samuel 25 records the story of Abigail. She was married to Nabal, a man who refused to reward David and his men for guarding his men and livestock. David planned to kill him and every male in his house but as soon as Abigail heard about the terrible thing her foolish husband had done, she took David a large supply and was able to convince him not to carry out his plan. Abigail did the right thing by pleading for Nabal’s life even when he did not deserve her intercession. Instead of adding to the problem, Abigail cleared the way for God to deal with her husband. God struck Nabal dead and Abigail went from being the wife of a fool to the wife of a king when David married her.

The reward of a Kingdom Wife is honour.