When you are tempted to do things your own way…
You have been hurt because family has failed you.
You were conceived and born out of wedlock. Dad did not want you. Even Mum did not want you. They both moved on, getting married to other people and living their separate lives – separate from each other, and separate from you. Some of your siblings you have met, and some you have not and probably never will because it is easier for both Mum and Dad and their spouses and their children to behave like you do not even exist.
You were passed from hand to hand – grandparents, uncles and aunties. Those who actually cared about you had barely any means with which to support you and so you had to earn your keep. Those who had the means felt they were doing you a favour by taking you under their roof and so the story was the same – you had to be a ‘working-child’ and endure all the abuse and live through all the challenges that life threw at you.
You lived through a difficult childhood but along the way, you were introduced to a Father that loved you more than any earthly father could. He filled the void that had been left by your absent parents and opened doors for you that no man could.
You have been hurt because love has eluded you.
You have had your fair share of suitors… young men who came your way professing love and marriage. But without fail, they took all you were willing to offer and still they walked away when you would not give them what they wanted. He says he will marry you and you give him your heart. But because you will not give him your body as well, the fights begin…he has a problem with how you drove, how you did not drive, what you said, what you did not say, what you bought, what you did not buy, how you spoke, how you did not speak. You continue to bend over backwards just so it will work, but it still doesn’t and one day, he dumps you unceremoniously. This has happened so many times that you no longer count. The last brother left you so badly scarred that your learning point from the whole affair is that all men are the same, and it doesn’t matter if they call themselves Christians. In fact, the ones that call themselves Christian are the worst kind!
Now, you are no longer looking for a Christian man. You say you have suffered enough. You say it is time you enjoyed your life. You are looking for some poor fool who is ready to give you all this world has to offer. You are ready to take all that he has to offer and also to do whatever it takes to get the life of bliss that you so badly crave.
My sister, do not become mercenary! A mercenary is someone primarily concerned with making money at the expense of ethics. Do not sell yourself to the highest bidder, with no regard for what the will of God is. I know you have loved and not been loved in return. You have been lied to, taken advantage of, promised and yet disappointed time and time again. But please do not make the mistake of your life!
Count your blessings! You made it through childhood and became an adult. You made it through school, primary, secondary and university, and now, against all the odds, you have a job. You are still standing! And regardless of your disappointments, you have people that love you with no strings attached! Just grab a sheet of paper and make a list, you will find that you do! I want to encourage you that the Lord that carried you through all the challenges of your life is yet able to lead you into His perfect will for your life.
Do not weary in doing good! I know you have been treated unfairly! I know you wonder why you even bother! Everything in your mind and body is discouraged because it seems like all your efforts to remain in the Lord and to wait on the Lord are not paying off. You wonder “what was the point?”
I remind you that Galatians 6:9 says: “And let us not grow weary while doing good, for in due season we shall reap if we do not lose heart.” Consider flower seeds planted in a pot. It takes diligently watering the pot for days, maybe weeks, until the flowers sprout. As the days and the weeks pass by, it seems like nothing is happening. But a lot was going on under the surface, hidden out of view. If the watering had stopped, then the flowers would never have sprouted.
Remain diligent, and be patient. Humble yourself before God, repent, and cast all your disappointments upon Him. “Therefore humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you in due time, casting all your care upon Him, for He cares for you.” (1 Peter 5: 6-7).
Do not sell your birthright! I know all your life, you have been hurt, but please, don’t sell your birth right for a bowl of stew! Esau was Isaac’s firstborn son but he made a bad choice (Genesis 25:29-34) and that choice cost him everything. He took the temporary pleasure offered to him by his twin brother Jacob to satisfy his hunger, a bowl of stew. In doing so, he forfeited his future inheritance. He chose the now instead of what was promised to come. He chose temporary pleasure and forfeited the eternal blessing promised to him as the firstborn son. Don’t let this happen to you! Satan will always tempt you with temporary highs. But that is exactly all they are…temporary! Like all temporary highs, the effects will pass and leave you in a worse state than before! Do not mortgage the salvation of your soul because of a temporary high.
Do not obey the voice of strangers! Many people will hail your decision to “wisen up” and “play the game”. But please know that they are lost and want to lead you astray as well. Jesus said concerning his children, “…a stranger will they not follow, but will flee from him: for they know not the voice of strangers.” (John 10:5). Please identify these ‘strangers’ and separate yourself from them. We serve a Good Shepherd who provides and protects and guides his flock. He does so with great love and care. Take time to listen to His voice to know and follow Him better.
My sister, I want to encourage you that there is restoration after great loss. A broken heart can be mended. And lost dreams can become the greatest source of hope. Look at the story of Ruth – she was willing to risk all and she received a great reward! Be courageous, bold, faith-filled, and resolve that you will remain in the Lord and do as He wills!
Indeed, you have been through a whole lot, but I know that if you trust Him, you will be fine.
The Lord is your strength.
onyinye.cn@kda.org.ng