Kingdom Single – Pastor Chidiebere Nwokeocha

1 Now concerning the things whereof ye wrote unto me: It is good for a man not to touch a woman. 2 Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband. 3 Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband. 4 The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife. 5 Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency. 6 But I speak this by permission, and not of commandment. 7 For I would that all men were even as I myself. But every man hath his proper gift of God, one after this manner, and another after that. 8 I say therefore to the unmarried and widows, it is good for them if they abide even as I. 9 But if they cannot contain, let them marry: for it is better to marry than to burn. 10 And unto the married I command, yet not I, but the Lord, Let not the wife depart from her husband: 11 But and if she depart, let her remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband: and let not the husband put away his wife. 12 But to the rest speak I, not the Lord: If any brother hath a wife that believeth not, and she be pleased to dwell with him, let him not put her away. 13 And the woman which hath an husband that believeth not, and if he be pleased to dwell with her, let her not leave him. 14 For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband: else were your children unclean; but now are they holy. 15 But if the unbelieving depart, let him depart. A brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases: but God hath called us to peace. 16 For what knowest thou, O wife, whether thou shalt save thy husband? or how knowest thou, O man, whether thou shalt save thy wife? 17 But as God hath distributed to every man, as the Lord hath called every one, so let him walk. And so ordain I in all churches. 18 Is any man called being circumcised? let him not become uncircumcised. Is any called in uncircumcision? let him not be circumcised. 19 Circumcision is nothing, and uncircumcision is nothing, but the keeping of the commandments of God. 20 Let every man abide in the same calling wherein he was called. 21 Art thou called being a servant? care not for it: but if thou mayest be made free, use it rather. 22 For he that is called in the Lord, being a servant, is the Lord’s freeman: likewise also he that is called, being free, is Christ’s servant. 23 Ye are bought with a price; be not ye the servants of men. 24 Brethren, let every man, wherein he is called, therein abide with God. 25 Now concerning virgins I have no commandment of the Lord: yet I give my judgment, as one that hath obtained mercy of the Lord to be faithful. 26 I suppose therefore that this is good for the present distress, I say, that it is good for a man so to be. 27 Art thou bound unto a wife? seek not to be loosed. Art thou loosed from a wife? seek not a wife. 28 But and if thou marry, thou hast not sinned; and if a virgin marry, she hath not sinned. Nevertheless such shall have trouble in the flesh: but I spare you. 29 But this I say, brethren, the time is short: it remaineth, that both they that have wives be as though they had none; 30 And they that weep, as though they wept not; and they that rejoice, as though they rejoiced not; and they that buy, as though they possessed not; 31 And they that use this world, as not abusing it: for the fashion of this world passeth away. 32 But I would have you without carefulness. He that is unmarried careth for the things that belong to the Lord, how he may please the Lord: 33 But he that is married careth for the things that are of the world, how he may please his wife. 34 There is difference also between a wife and a virgin. The unmarried woman careth for the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and in spirit: but she that is married careth for the things of the world, how she may please her husband. 35 And this I speak for your own profit; not that I may cast a snare upon you, but for that which is comely, and that ye may attend upon the Lord without distraction. 36 But if any man think that he behaveth himself uncomely toward his virgin, if she pass the flower of her age, and need so require, let him do what he will, he sinneth not: let them marry. 37 Nevertheless he that standeth stedfast in his heart, having no necessity, but hath power over his own will, and hath so decreed in his heart that he will keep his virgin, doeth well. 38 So then he that giveth her in marriage doeth well; but he that giveth her not in marriage doeth better. 39 The wife is bound by the law as long as her husband liveth; but if her husband be dead, she is at liberty to be married to whom she will; only in the Lord. 40 But she is happier if she so abide, after my judgment: and I think also that I have the Spirit of God. 1 Corinthians 7:1-39 (KJV)

While it is good to marry, it is also good to remain unmarried until the appointed time. There is no marriage in heaven and an unmarried person who is living holy is more able to serve the Lord. It is not a sin to be single in the Lord, and so it is not right to put pressure on people who are unmarried. Singleness is a phase and how one comports oneself in this phase will determine how one fares when married. It is important to get marriage right and not marry for the wrong reasons. Don’t marry because you are lonely as marriage does not necessarily solve the problem of loneliness – there are many married people who are still lonely. Don’t marry just so you have someone to share your problems with – your partners will come with his or her own problems too, and could even be a source of additional problems as well! The summary of Paul’s teaching is this – don’t fret yourself in your singleness! Live holy, and marry at the appointed time, in the Lord.

Some people stay for a long time in the single phase because they have not asked God what they are supposed to be doing during this phase, what they are supposed to be doing for the Kingdom. Instead of worrying so much about being unmarried, singles should wait on the Lord and be about His business. God is the Divine Orchestrator, He works things out for the good of his people. He is also the Divine Matchmaker as He was in the case of Rebecca who was found by the well, going about her business. Ruth was a Moabite woman whose husband and father –in-law had died. Her mother-in-law was an old widow but Ruth chose to go with her – she said Naomi’s people would be her people, her God would be her God, and where Naomi died, she, Ruth, would be buried. Her statement was a declaration to follow the God d Israel and as she made this powerful statement, heaven moved and the Lord orchestrated events such that she went to work in Boaz’s field and eventually married him.

It is possible to be single and live a fulfilled life. Singles are not second class citizens. It is simply a phase and what you do in this phase will determine how long you stay in this phase. Do not compromise your faith while you are single. You cannot do this and expect god to intervene in your case. Stop trying to intervene in your marital status and start living for the kingdom. Jesus was single, as was Paul. Stop feeling bad because you are not yet married!

Pau teaches three vital principles that singles need to know to live out the Kingdom agenda:

WAITING ON THE LORD
While many are waiting, not many are waiting on the Lord. Some people are simply marking time. If a single lady succumbs to a man’s coercion to sleep with him during her phase of singleness as a prerequisite for marriage, she is simply marking time, and not waiting on the Lord. If a man insists a woman must conceive for him before he will propose to her, he does not love her! She is simply his plaything it is very likely that he is sleeping around looking for who will conceive for him!

What is the right way to wait? In the single phase, morality is key, righteousness should be a way of life. Do not live your life carelessly. If you wait on the Lord to work His will in your life, He will never arrive late or disappoint. In any situation you find yourself, pause and ask God the learning point. The moment you understand why you are in that phase, you will not spend a second more than necessary. If you cannot pray during your singleness, how will you be able to pray when you are married and have the responsibilities of being married?

In your singleness, lay the foundation for your married life. What are you doing as a single? Do not give in to any temptation of the enemy during your singleness. The enemy is simply trying to destroy your testimony as a child of God and establish a lien over you.

God is interested in what you do during your singleness. Live holy and do not compromise. Be pure. Go about relationships the right way. Do not flirt, do not jump from person to person, making marriage promises carelessly. Be careful so you are not entrapped.

There are things you can do as a single that you cannot do as a married person. In your singleness, be the best single for the Lord. God does not make any distinction between married and single people in his eyes. There are challenges in marriage like inevitable personality conflicts. As long as two people relate, there will always be conflicts, possibly on account of miscommunication or differences in perspective issues. A number of blind men were asked to describe an elephant. One felt the body and said the elephant is like a wall; another felt the legs and said it is like a tree; another felt the trunk and said it was like a pipe while yet another felt the tail and said it is like a snake. All were correct based on their own perspectives. In any relationship, people will have different perspectives. This is a potential source of conflict which can only reduce as they submit themselves to God and begin to see things from the Bible perspective.

God is a potter and He is the one who molds us into what He wants us to be. Even when the pot is cracked or broken, His hands can mold us back into what His original plan for us. We cannot hold Hs hands and prevent Him from working…we have to let go and let God.

As people are rushing into marriage, people are rushing out of it. The divorce rate is raining, even in the Church. Let God be your match maker. Let him lead you to your own spouse. While waiting on the Lord, let him be your matchmaker.

Adam did not ask for a wife, the Lord provided one for him. He is our father. He knows what we require.

(For after all these things do the Gentiles seek:) for your heavenly Father knoweth that ye have need of all these things. Matthew 6:32 (KJV)

He also provided a wife for Joseph whose singleness was marked with crisis, betrayal and temptation. He remained faithful to God and the Divine Matchmaker provided him a beautiful wife in the palace of Pharaoh. His wife had been picked and reserved by God. He did not ask for it, he did not struggle for it. When his singleness phase was over, God provided a wife for him.

Stop looking and start living out your Kingdom agenda, focus on the Lord. He knows what is good for you.

When you search by yourself, you could get into the wrong relationship. Take Samson for example who fell into the arms of a hired assassin called Delilah. Samson was taken in by her beauty, her sweet words and lies. Do not fall prey to beauty or lies!

WATCHING FOR THE LORD
While you wait for the Lord, it is important to watch for Him. Marriage has no place in eternity.

Are you ready for the second coming of Jesus? Are you waiting for Hs appearance? That is more important than whether you are married or not. Marrying in your own strength with make you fall away from serving the Lord. There was a lady who was single and got tired of waiting on the Lord. One day she decided to get married in her own strength. She was counselled against it, having waited so long, to continue to wait. Unfortunately, she chose to go ahead and ‘procured’ a husband. She died during child birth, along with the unborn child. Be careful to wait on the Lord and watch for the Lord.

Many singles are not fulfilled because they limit the agenda of God for their lives. If God’s agenda for you is bigger than marriage, then marriage alone cannot fulfil you. If God has not given you a partner and you decide to go about it your own way, then you will pay a high price for it. Remain in your calling. The single phase is a part of your destiny path. It is long for some people and short for others. Remain in your path. Work for the Lord and focus on Him. Once you see being single as a calling from God, you can give yourself to following and serving God without anxiety about the future.

TO WED IN THE LORD
If and when the time comes to marry, singles should marry only in the Lord.

Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness? 2 Corinthians 6:14 (KJV)
Wait on the Lord and during the single phase, He will show you things like when someone has violent tendencies. Run! It is not how far, it is how well. Marriage is for life so it is better to marry right than to marry “early” Prayerfully ask God for a partner. Do not think that you can change your spouse. Only God can. Do not think that a partner will become born-again after the marriage. If he/she is not born again, run. Marriage is a divine parcel. Once accepted, it remains with the person for life.

Conclusion
If you feel it is taking time for you to marry, three things can happen:
1. You can grumble, “God I am tired of waiting for you to find me a mate.” You can continue to grumble. You will not accomplish your purpose here on earth
2. You can grab the next person who walks by, do it your way, and marry outside of God’s timing and will. But this is inviting a crash landing.
3. You can grow, stay focused and wit for God’s timing. There is a purpose for keeping you in this phase. Remain in the Lord, ask Him for His purpose. Ask the Diving Orchestrator, the Divine Matchmaker to help you.