Kingdom Husband (Part 1) – Pastor Chidiebere Nwokeocha

THE KINGDOM HUSBAND

INTRODUCTION
Your faithfulness in your singleness determines how stable your marriage will be. If you are not faithful to God as a single person, it will be difficult to be faithful as a married person. If you do not have a good foundation as a single person, you will find it challenging to be married.

We need to be careful of the heresies that are being preached today. I was recently told of a pastor who preaches that given the current state of the world, it is acceptable for couples to sleep together before marriage so that they can determine if the man is indeed a man and the woman a woman. This person is approving of fornication and adultery and by extension, probably engaging in it himself. His congregation was reportedly excited to receive this teaching and rejoiced that the difficulties of living holy lives had been removed from them!

We cannot allow our own selfish purpose to defeat the purpose of God in our lives.

Our text is from Ephesians 5:22-33 (KJV)
Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body. Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing. Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it; That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word, That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish. So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself. For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church: For we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones. For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh. This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church. Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband.

Many marriages are in crisis today because the covenant has been violated. Most never understood marriage roles in their times of singleness, they never understood exactly what the marriage covenant entails. So, today, many are disappointed, dissatisfied and disillusioned, and many have walked away from their marriages. In America, the divorce rate is over 70% and amongst believers, as high as 50%! Large numbers of children are being raised by single parents, against God perfect plan for families as every member of the family unit has a role to play in raising children.

God established marriage for the purpose of expanding His Kingdom, but many marriages are out of alignment. If a car is out of alignment, the tires will wear out unevenly, regardless of how many times the tires are changed. Until the alignment is corrected, the tires will continue to wear out unevenly. For as long as fundamentals are not addressed, the various members of the family unit continue to experience wear and tear: husbands and fathers are being usurped and disrespected, wives and mothers are being abused and neglected while children are being indulged or forgotten. For as long as fundamentals of the family unit are not addressed, the same problems will continue to persist… divorcees who remarry are very likely to divorce again for as long as fundamentals have not been addressed.

When families break down, conflict replaces harmony, pain replaces peace, lives are torn apart, homes are dismantled and sometimes death occurs. These issues can only be resolved by coming under the principles God ordained for marriage. Eve was not Adam’s idea, she was God’s idea. God is the author of marriage and He has a divine plan as to how it should work.

GOD-ORDAINED ORDER

The God-ordained order in marriage is as follows: God, Jesus, Man, Wife, Children.

Every Kingdom Husband must understand that he is under the authority of Jesus. If a man is not submitted to Jesus, his wife cannot be submitted to him. When a man is outside of God’s order, he experiences chaos and his wife simply responds to his faulty leadership. If the husband is out of order, the marriage is out of order, and the wife is out of order.
Satan disrupted the first marriage by switching the order of the relationship. He went to Eve instead of Adam and took away the decision making process from him. However, Adam was still held responsible for the decision Eve made. The man is responsible for the headship of the house: physically, spiritually and materially.

But I would have you know, that the head of every man is Christ; and the head of the woman is the man; and the head of Christ is God. 1 Corinthians 11:3 (KJV)

Any man who refuses to submit to Jesus has forfeited his right to have his wife submit to him. It is by falling in line under Jesus that a man models for his wife how to fall in line under him. When a man is aligned under God, God covers him with his covenantal protection.

Thrice in the year shall all your men children appear before the Lord God, the God of Israel.For I will cast out the nations before thee, and enlarge thy borders: neither shall any man desire thy land, when thou shalt go up to appear before the Lord thy God thrice in the year. Exodus 34:23-24 (KJV)

Three times a year the men of Israel would go to worship God leaving their wives and children behind and yet God protected them from other nations because they were submitted to Him. This is the same way that God protect the families of as many men that are submitted to Him.

A Kingdom Husband must always bring his opinions, thoughts, actions, decisions and leadership under the authority of God. A Kingdom Husband enquires of God before he takes decisions. Any headship where the man has not submitted to God is a false headship. In the story of Naomi, her husband did not enquire of God what to do when things became tough, and he died along with his sons. Many husbands take decisions without enquiring of the Lord. A Kingdom Husband is the priest of the home and he must take responsibility to enquire of the Lord. The man will be held responsible for the family: Eve accepted the fruit, but it is Adam that is held responsible.

Wherefore, as by one man sin entered into the world, and death by sin; and so death passed upon all men, for that all have sinned. Romans 5:12 (KJV)

For as in Adam all die, even so in Christ shall all be made alive. 1 Corinthians 15:22 (KJV).

The best thing a man can do in leading his home is to ask what the mind of Christ is on that matter. This brings God into the equation and brings security.

ROLES OF THE HUSBAND

1.Love Your Wife
Husbands, love your wives Ephesians 5:25a (KJV)

a.Husband as Saviour.
…even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it; Ephesians 5:25b (KJV)

Men are asked to love their wives as Christ loved the Church and gave himself for it. Love means sacrifice. A husband ought to be a saviour to his wife, loving the wife means carrying a cross. A man is called to love his wife no matter what, as Christ died for us while we were yet sinners. He did not wait for us to become perfect before He loved us. Christ loved unconditionally, so should a Kingdom Husband love his wife unconditionally.
Most men date in order to marry instead of marrying in order to date. Effort put to nurture and grow the relationship should not cease once the marriage vows are said.
Christ loved the church to death. The measure of love a husband has for his wife is the size of the cross that he is willing to carry. If there is no sacrifice, there is no love. Love must cost something: Adam bled to get Eve. Christ bled to get the church. A Kingdom Husband must be ready to sacrifice for his wife. He must give of himself, his time, his effort.

b Husband as Sanctifier

That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word, That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish. Ephesians 5:26-27 (KJV)

When a person gives his life to Christ, he experiences JUSTIFICATION. Because of the imputed righteousness of Christ upon him, he appears before God JUST AS IF HE NEVER SINNED. The next work of grace is called SACTIFICATION. To sanctify is to cleanse, to make pure. This is the process of being separated unto God, the process by which He begins to work on the person to make him into what He wants him to be. The same thing occurs in marriage. A couple get married and come with all their baggage, both physically, spiritually and emotionally. A work of sanctification then begins…the couple must work together to remove the bad habits from their pasts. When a man marries a woman, he also marries her history, he has to accept the bad parts as well as the good parts. The man must endeavour to provide her strength, joy, peace whenever she requires it. The true purpose of leadership is beautification and glorification, not domination.

As Christ washes His church with His word, so a Kingdom Husband must speak the right words into the marriage. A Kingdom Husband must work to make the woman into what he wants her to be. This is work, an investment. There is no such things as a ready-made wife…any apparent ready-made wife only appears that way because someone else is doing the work. If the grass appears greener in your neighbour’s garden, it is most likely because he is doing more work than you are to tend the garden.

c.Husband as Satisfier

So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies.
He that loveth his wife loveth himself. For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church: Ephesians 5:28-29 (KJV)

The Lord wants our ultimate satisfaction. A Kingdom Husband should satisfy his wife, and not only sexually. Satisfy her spiritually: pray for her, lead her into worship; emotionally and physically: meet her needs as is within your capacity. Help your wife look good so she is fulfilled and satisfied. Men sometimes think material possessions are all that is required to satisfy their wives. This is not so as wives sometimes just want their husbands to listen to them. It is in listening that a Kingdom Husband can understand what his wife wants and then satisfy her
A Kingdom Husband will not stop even if his efforts are not met with equal love. Christ calls repeatedly, and loves even when He is not loved in return. A Kingdom Husband does not give up. If a wife is not responding to efforts, it is possible that the husband is not listening to her and is trying to meet needs she does not have or to solve problems that do not exist.
There are also many dissatisfied wives because there are unsatisfied husbands. If a man is unhappy with himself, then he is unable to satisfy his wife.

2.Live with your Wife

Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them…1 Peter 3:7a (KJV)

To live means to dwell in close harmony, in close intimacy. Some men are part time husbands and do not live in their own houses. A Kingdom Husband creates an environment of intimacy in his home, making his home a place of peace. You cannot achieve the purpose of God for your family if you are not at home. You cannot be a leader in absentia. Come back home after work. Take your wife along with you as much as possible…do not run away from your family. Your wife did not marry a pay-cheque, a car or a job title, she married you. Whenever you measure the success of your marriage by the size of your wealth, you have missed it. Husbands are to out-serve their wives because leadership is about servant-hood

3. Know Your Wife

Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge…1 Peter 3:7a

A Kingdom Husband studies both his Bible and his wife because both are difficult to interpret! A Husband has to study his wife to know her intimately. A Husband need a discerning spirit because a woman’s moods are sometimes difficult to decipher. Study requires a devotion of time: you have to devote time to study her and good things will begin to happen. Women want someone with whom to share their cares, their fears and hopes and disappointments. When they feel loved and understood, they are better able to respond in love.

4. Honor Your Wife

Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honor unto the wife… 1 Peter 3:7a

Men are to honor their wives. Place your wife in a position of significance, treating her as someone very special. A Kingdom Husband makes his wife feel as if she is the best thing that happened to mankind. Put her above every other woman. Honor her if she complains about female attention around you. She is number one in your life and she should feel like that. Roll out the red carpet for her, pull out a chair, open the door, escort her, make her feel special, speak gracious words to her, give her thoughtful gifts. Do not do for another woman what you do not do for your wife. Your wife is your Queen. Let her know that she is valued and she will respond likewise. Above all, be faithful. You dishonor your wife by having another woman outside.

5. Pray with Your Wife

…that your prayers be not hindered. 1 Peter 3:7 (KJV)

Prayer is very important in marriage. Without it, you cannot accomplish much in marriage

Verily I say unto you, Whatsoever ye shall bind on earth shall be bound in heaven: and whatsoever ye shall loose on earth shall be loosed in heaven. Again I say unto you, That if two of you shall agree on earth as touching any thing that they shall ask, it shall be done for them of my Father which is in heaven. Matthew 18:18-19 (KJV)

Married people have much power available to them. One chases a thousand while two chases ten thousand.
A Kingdom Husband must pray with his wife so that his prayers are not hindered. When a husband and wife are not in agreement, their prayers are hindered. If a woman is angry with her husband, his prayers are hindered and so the man should always make sure that there is a resolution so that prayers are not hindered. God sees a husband and a wife as a single unit, no longer two. Many homes are not fulfilling their mandate because husband and wife do not come in prayer together. Be in alignment, agreement.

CONCLUSION
The man controls the climate of the home and the woman responds. The man creates the environment within which his wife will flourish and be the best wife that she can be. Looking outside for the perfect woman is a waste of time – she does not exist. Husbands, go back to your wives and love them, live with them, know them, honor them, and pray with them. Husbands, build your marriage, build your home! Marriage is work, as is everything that is of value. Marriage should not be left to chance.

Many marriages are out of alignment with God’s order and until they are brought back into alignment the pain of family breakdown will continue